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My life with a disability.

Community Over Competition: Meet Ben

8/31/2015

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PicturePhoto provided by Ben Jackson
I thought for a moment I was the only one doing what I am doing. In a sense I am; it is my story and my brand. However, on this journey to becoming More Than My Disability, I have found that I am not alone. The feeling I have felt my whole life due to becoming labeled with a disability. 

One would think I would jump for joy once I found others on a similar path who shared a similar vision. This was simply not the case; I am human. I remember the first time I came across a fellow blogger, business owner, and person with a disability. I allowed myself without even knowing to get jealous. I instantly stopped the feelings that started building to remind myself that it isn’t about competing. It isn’t about who did it first, who is doing what, or who is doing it better; it’s about community. 

The sense of strength, passion, fight, and advocacy a community brings to the table. This community works towards the important goals of breaking down barriers, dismissing the misconceptions, and working towards improving the lives of people with disabilities.

This month, I bring you a collection of posts dedicated to my fellow bloggers, business owners, an advocates who all have adopted the same philosophy (in their own words) “Dismissing the dis in disability: allowing the ability to shine”. That’s right in some form or another they have felt the pain, the struggle, the joy, and the passion that comes from being a person with a disability or a parent of child with a disability.

I hope you find each of their stories uplifting and encouraging. I know I have enjoyed getting to know each them via written communications, social media platforms, and some a Skype call. My hope by highlighting each of these individuals you will gain new knowledge and a better understanding of life with a disability.





First up, Ben.

I have no idea where I want to began when talking about Ben. You see Ben is a one of a kind person who began his journey to being "More Than My Disability" at an early age with Spastic Cerebral Palsy. In Ben's words, "Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, I always had visions of achieving great things, things that would impact millions of people around the world." 

Ben, decided to show people who tried to bring him down by teasing and bullying him that you can do anything you want, if you have the right mindset. Despite his disability he decided to become an athlete. Ben's story is so powerful and so moving that he was featured in a Gatorade--Win From Within video that has been watched over a million times (I watched it at least 5 times).

When Ben sent me his story I was moved to tears. Not because I felt pity or sadness but pure joy. I shared a confession that it has taken me 29 years to become comfortable saying I have a disability. I thanked him for his courage. His response, "I find that the best things in life often come to us by surprise, that's why I responded to your post." 

Ben is currently a student at Northampton Community College with goals of earning his associates degree in Communications. He wants to continue his education until he receives his doctoral degree in Communication. His goal is to become a motivational speaker that continues to inspires people all over the world. 

In addition to his Gatorade video, Ben was invited to attend the Ravens training Camp, where he gave a speech to the team last year. This summer he spoke at the 2015 Beyond Sports United and just about a week ago he spoke at the New York Giants training camp. You Rock Ben!

You see, like me, Ben was teased and bullied for being different. Ben told me, "But's that's why I want to live a life devoted to making individuals going through any kind of adversity feel like they are not alone." 

Ben is a bright example of why I have decided to adopt the mission of community over competition. At the end of the day we all want the same thing; to make the world a better place. 


To learn more about Ben and his journey I encourage you to follow his very motivational social media platforms which I have linked here:
Thank you Ben for allowing me to share your story.


Jenna
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Achieving Organization In Chaos

8/28/2015

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The title says it all. Whether you have a disability that interferes with your organization skills, every person can benefit from this entry. Why? Simple, we all live in some form of chaos. Crazy-busy families, work, travel for work, school, living with a disability, having ADHD, or having a child with ADHD, or all of the above. 

My counselor friends, you live in chaos everyday and so did I as a School Counselor. Organization is achievable but you have to be disciplined and organized. 

I just started my first week as a doctoral student. Oh boy, talk about chaos. I had a moment of panic with my advisor. I said, "How in the heck am I going to get all of this done? You're a mom who earn her PhD with kids in the mix. How in the heck did you do it?" Her response was simple, "schedule everything." She told me I need to schedule everything in my life, even down to when I'm going to shower to when I'm going to spend time with my family. She even said it might sound cold but it works and you will find yourself less worried by having it all mapped out. 

I also feel it's important that you build in flex time because life doesn't always go as planned. That's life.

The Three Most Common Excuses:
1. I'm too exhausted from all the chaos to even think about improving my organization skills.

2. Remember, I live in chaos and its comfortable. Why should I change my habits? Wait, weren't you just complaining about never having enough time?

3. I have no idea where to start.

The Three Reasons You Should Start:
1. Effective time management leads to productivity. When you feel productive, you are happy and motivated. This allows you to have more energy, get more sleep, and spend more time on the R&R; like time with your family, friends, enjoying a hobby, or all of the above.

2.The sense of control. The more organized you are, the more in control you will feel. 

3. Eliminating a Stressor. I don't know if you are like me but If it's not written some where then I'm trying to remember the task in order to make sure it gets done. This can be very stressful and you are setting yourself up for failure; you are too busy to remember every detail.

What works for me:
  • Google Calendar
  • The ability to color code everything in google calendar
  • The ability to share this calendar with my  family, staff, etc. (hint because you are able to make multiple calendars within your one calendar you have the ability to control who sees what.) 
  • The ability to see my calendar in multiple places. I.e. computer, phone, tablet, or even in paper for.  (hint use the google calendar  app if you are an iPhone user). 


Here's a break down of how to use Google Calendar:





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Dismissing The Misconceptions & Providing Action Steps

8/23/2015

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When a person with a disability goes to earn a degree its more than an accomplishment; it's proof. Not that we or myself as a person with a disability have to prove anything to anyone. It is hard to think you can do something when you have your own self doubts that are coupled with others around you doubting your ability to do something.

Then when you finally get that proof you have longed for showing that you are able and capable like your peers to accomplish a goal of earning a degree. Only to be dismissed as not being "disabled enough" by your typical peers and fellow disabled peers.

My success, my degrees, my goals are not limited by my lack of abilities. I have several individuals all say the same statements, "You must be more intelligent than me" or "Writing must come easier to you than me". Wrong. I do not believe that I am more intelligent than you. However, I know myself and I have learn what works for me and what doesn't. Writing does not come easy to me, actually it is one of the more painful tasks I have to do. In my records from high school to now, written expression is one of my major weaknesses. 

The Four Stages of Becoming You With a Disability:

1. Accept It: You will always have a disability, you won't grow out of it but you will find ways to manage, cope, and overcome your weakness. You need to accept your "label" so you can heal. 

2. Learn it: Once you accept, that will open you up to the learning stage. You need to learn everything about who you are as a person with a disability. When things go wrong, don't beat yourself up, learn from it. You will need to become friends with technology. Learn what tools work and do not work for you.

3. Implementation: I am the master of implementing what works for me. It is how I survive and how I am able to manage higher levels of learning. Once you find what works for you, you need to practice it everyday.

4. Owning it: I was stuck at this stage until about 12 months ago. I never wanted to own it. I never wanted to talk about my disability. A lot of pain comes with being a person with a disability. It took a lot for me to finally admit who I was and that I was not "typical". So many doors opened, once I decided to show people who I was as a person.   

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School Counselor Life Hacks

8/12/2015

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As a busy school counselor, I never felt like I could get everything I wanted done or communicate as quickly as I would like.  Sometimes, some of my elementary students would get confused  or had a hard time putting a name with a face. Even after an introduction lesson, monthly lessons, weekly small groups, and everything else as counselors we offer our students. Also we had students who moved in during the school year. As everyone is gearing back for a fresh start this school year, I decided to share three simple things to help you stand out to your students. I guess you could say I'm missing my students and the fun of the school year. 

1. Ask Me About it: Conversation Starters
I decided to create conversation cards for my students to take home if they came in for a visit. This was after they expressed wanting to talk with their parents (i.e. bad day at school, someone took their favorite pencil, their friend doesn't like them, etc.). Things that might seem small to us but are big things to our students, and actually help us as counselor's build relationship with our student. I also used these as another means of communication if I did not have a working phone number or tired several times to get ahold of a parent. I was also teaching my students to be leaders and start conversations with the people that care about them. I found that these were helpful for my students who have a disability or who needed encouragement to express their feelings. Document is attached to the bottom of this post.


2. Ditch the Counselor Letter
Yes, I said it. Stop wasting your time on a formal letter. It's boring and I'm betting only 40-50% of your letters are getting read. There is so much information that goes home in the first week of school. Parents are crazy busy filling out forms for the school office and items for their child's teacher. Instead create a visually appealing introduction card. You could use online services such as vista print to create postcard size handout or you can use google drawings. I ended up using this my third year has a counselor. It was quick and easy to make. I also linked my QR code so parents could access my website. I attached the document to the bottom of this post but did edit out some information but you get the idea. I encourage you to explore google drawing which is in google drive within your google (gmail) account. I have found it very easy to use and I been able to create a lot of useful things.


3. Put a Face with a Name:
I am kicking myself for not having my face on my school counselor business card. I think I would used them more and they would have been more helpful. I ended up making cards for my LLC on Vista print after finding a template I liked that allowed me to drag and drop my picture. You could even combine this idea with the welcome card. Which is kind of what I did by putting my motto and QR code on the back of my card that I am using for my LLC.  I have also included my card for you to see.

I hope this helps to get your creative juices going. Enjoy the new school year. 

Here are the attached examples of everything I've mentioned in this post: 

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welcome_card_template.pdf
File Size: 72 kb
File Type: pdf
Download File

askmeaboutit.docx
File Size: 265 kb
File Type: docx
Download File

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Let Your disABILITY Shine

8/7/2015

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My last blog was pretty edgy and I wanted to show you the emotions that a disability can bring up during my professional life. That is why I am coaching now, to help smooth your transitions out as you learn to navigate your disability. That is also why I am pursuing a doctorate, I want to broaden my footprint about helping others with disabilities. Setting and reaching goals is a great thing, I really like helping others reach their goals as a school counselor and I really like coaching others. It was the reason why I push through all the challenges to earn my bachelor's degree. I remember my very first semester like it was yesterday. In that moment, in that first class, I knew I was meant to do something and be something more than just a person with a disability.  Now 10 years later from my first semester as an undergraduate, I will be blogging about my journey as a doctoral student, coach, and a person being more than their disability. I will be giving tips, information, and sight for students, parents, educators, and counselors. I am all of these things and know the challenges that come within each of these roles when you throw a disability into the mix whether it’s your disability, your child’s, your client’s, or your student’s disability.  


Want to get started? Try doing these three things:


1. Stop beating yourself up and start loving yourself.

I can't tell you how many times I have beaten myself up in my head for being different or for not concealing my weakness. Do you know how mentally exhausting this gets? Let it go. There is a reason you are who you are. Own it, love it, and move on.


2. Forget and forgive.

Forget the moments when you thought your disability got the best of you. Forgive those people who just saw the disability and not the real you.


3. Stop faking it and start making it in life.

So what is holding you back from crossing that line of fear that you have drawn for yourself. You drew the line so you can step over it. Sometimes it takes a little help; that’s why I’m here to take the fear away. To help you be more than your disability.


Let your disability shine,

Jenna
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An Open Letter to A Psychologist Who Didn’t See The Real Me

8/4/2015

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Dear Psychologist,


If only you knew how wrong, but how right you were. You allowed me to break down after taking away my support, throwing me into a testing room with a fishbowl atmosphere with an intern. I felt humiliated, decoding words I knew but could not pronounce. You asked me to make sure I was okay. So I talked and shared because we were just talking; wrong. Instead in my moment of weakness, you used this as information to label me in your report as low self-esteem and potentially depressed.


You failed to see me but chose to see the stress caused by living with a label. You scooped me up and clumped me into a group and labeled me. Then scooped me up again and lumped with other label then scratched your head and threw me into another pile because the “result” only partly showed I belonged there.


Then you reluctantly said I was right when we first met and said what your “results” were going to show as my “labels”. You were puzzled that I knew myself that well. You see you made feel like I was just a speck of sand that can be tossed into a pile. Well I’m not just a speck of sand. I am me; I am more than my disability. I am more than what your results show.


This is what you failed to see: I LOVE reading but I don't actually “read” I listen (ear reading is reading). I love to craft and make things beautiful when others dismiss and discard them. I am a mom, wife, enputener, blogger. I am a person who despite it all is chasing their dream as a PhD candidate.


When you heard that I was getting retested so I could ensure I would get accommodations as a PhD candidate. You instantly went deer in headlights when I told you that was the main reason. Yes, it was formality in my eyes that I paid to be “tormented” to have you tell me what was wrong with me. You failed to learn that I have a lot of passion and fight to earn a PhD. You went in with a scrape knief looking for the weakness to expose not realizing I saw yours written all over your face without saying a single word. I chose to get to know you instead of labeling you; something you failed to do for me.


At the end of the day, people like me (1 out of 5 with a disability) are all specks of sand washed up on a beach working to create a pathway for the new generation, dismissing stereotypes and labels; being comfortable with the uncomfortable.


If only you knew my passions my greatest fears and my darkest demons; just maybe the low self- esteem conclusion would have seemed not so low. I like to see it as a baggage of aroum I wear from the battles I have fought to get to where I am in life.  Instead you judged, you labed and you dismissed. I’m not blaming you, were thought, schooled, and quizzed on how to judge label, and dismiss. You solved the problem, you found the proper diagnoses.


Now what, is not your speciality. You leave the adult client to muddle through life. You have left the parents to sift through medications, school plans, sticker charts, and any other form of help. What’s next?


I’ll tell you what’s next. Let’s stop labeling simply to dismiss. Let’s accept the label and adopt a so what not what approach. Where we are an actually a  team; not a team printed on a piece on saying we have agreed to this conclusion. It isn’t a conclusion. It's the beginning of someone’s battle to be more than a disability. Isn’t that what we all want; to be more than something?


What if this of your child or adult child. Would you want him/her dismissed in the same regrades you made me feel dismissed? So when I asked you what’s next and where do I go from here to improve and gain support? Instead of an answer, I watched a you nervously googled on your computer and printed out a paper with some bull crap “solution” that led to a dead end. I will tell you what’s next; change. Change that I and others of this new mindset are taking to create support, hope, guidance, and acceptance in a world that needs more outside the box thinkers. So the next time we meet it won’t be for a diagnosis. It will be to work together to create change to create a new pathway of how we “label” to create toolkits for clients, kids, parents, and like minded individuals.


At the end of the day we are all grains of sand on the same beach threaded together by a common goal to be more than something.


Sincerely,


The Real Me





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    Jenna Alvarez, a 29 year veteran of living day-to-day life with ADHD, dyslexia, and as the 90's liked to define as specific learning disability, countless IEPs, medications, and any form of "help" to lessen the effects of the disability. A current doctoral student at Ohio University, yes you read that right, a disabled doctoral candidate; a subpar GRE score, disabled student reaching the impossible.

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